Pain

Two days before, met one of my online friends, and obviously we were very eager to find out more about each other. So in between he said, “My mother- in – law has a terrible disease, Alzheimer’s “. In a fraction of second, my eyes welled up with tears. I was thinking about my mom, who was a victim of the same sickness and now resting in peace. “Yes”, I thought aloud and continued “it is the one of the terrible disease any person can have”. Even though our conversations touched so many aspects of life and world, somewhere in the corner of my heart, a pain was lingering. Usually when any sort of emotions lurk in my mind, I slowly withdraw to myself to a corner of a room, and try to pour out these through my pen.
Two and a half years before, I was diagnosed with poly cystic ovaries, and doctor suggested a surgery. He also suggested that along with this surgery they can remove my appendix also which was at that time, if continued anymore inside my body will surely become a threat to my life. I was quite amused, to have two purposes served in one shot…So packed my bags to go to India, getting mentally prepared for my surgery. Moreover it was my best buddy’s marriage, so everything seemed to fall in, as and how I desired. In my life, plans were always overtaken by surprises. This time also, huge surprises, rather I should say array of huge surprises were waiting for me. I reached India, and had a good time with my best buddy and also attended his wedding.
My next plan was to get myself admitted in hospital, but to my surprise the doctor who was supposed to do my surgery was booked for the next one month. Now, tension started mounting, I have to find out a new Doctor, new hospital everything and that too I was not sure I could perform everything alone. In between, I had a plan to take to my mom to my house who was in rehabilitation centre for Alzheimer’s patients. As my plans were not working out, I thought maybe I should take my mom home and then slowly I can think about my surgery.
Things were not easy as I thought. Journey to my house from this rehab centre takes almost 10 – 11 hours by car. My heart sank as I saw her, she was violent like a mad woman and moreover she reached a stage where she couldn’t recognize me also. As I tried to hold her, she started crying, thinking that I am going to do some harm to her. I leaned on the wall of her room and sobbed silently. I was thinking how I will take her all the way to my house; this journey will surely be a difficult one. I prayed, that’s all I could do, I prayed that my mom will be calm and peaceful and we started the journey at about 10 P.M. My mom was awake throughout the journey till we reached our destination next day morning at about 7.A.M. On the way prayed again and again and reminded God that I am very young to handle these kinds of situations. It was a terrible experience any daughter can have in her life. I thought maybe God will not answer any issues pertaining to Alzheimer’s.
As she couldn’t recognize me, she considered me as a stranger whenever I tried drawing near to her. Whenever I tried to hug her, make her walk, feed her, she yelled at me. She was not eating anything for the last 10 days or so and it was mountainous task to feed her. I was worried; I need to save my mom I thought. That evening I went out, brought all her favorite food, including ice cream and chocolates and what not. I was trying to feed her some ice cream, after 2-3 spoons, I thought this idea of mine is working ..she is eating. Suddenly in a minute her mood changed, she refused to eat more. I was trying to make her eat more and without warning she became violent and started beating me. She scratched my hands and face and blood was coming out from those wounds especially from my hand. More than physical pain it was that mental agony I went through, words can never express it. I was sitting on a chair, in the veranda, asking God again; “won’t you ever hear my prayers?” After five minutes, I saw my mom slowly walking towards me. She was crying and me too… I thought she is for definite going to beat me again. I didn’t run away or try to budge from the chair. But as she walked towards me, I stood up. She came near me, put both her hands on my shoulders, as if she was resting on me and said “Baby, I am not well, I am undergoing terrible pain”. The moment she finished that sentence, she took her hands off my shoulders and walked back crying.
God gave her sound mind of 3 seconds, and made her recognize who I was for her. That day I called the doctor, because now I understood why she was acting so violent, she was undergoing pain. Next day morning, when the ambulance came to take her to hospital, she was fighting with everyone, not to take her to hospital. Her argument was, once she gets admitted in the hospital; she won’t be coming back alive. She was true, after a month or so, she passed away and that too in my presence she took her last breath.
I am glad, I could give her whatever I can at least during the few last days of her life. Now, I miss her terribly, but I thank God every day, for that few seconds, where she came to me and recognized me again. Yes, God did really answer my prayer and He gave me strength to go through all these dark days of my life.